ankles crossed, let's spare the sleeve

i've been feeling very thoughtful lately, as in full of thought - about women, beauty, restraint, giving, reading/writing, family, goals, abstractions, friends distant and near, solitude, senescence, generosity, laughter, music, decorating my room. i think it is for a few reasons, including just generally having more life fodder than usual at the moment, but also because of some of the people i am meeting - i really do like my friends here a whole lot and i don't know why i am being so reserved in my feedback on my social situation here, maybe i am just a punk because a lot of cool and good things are going on for me here. i am frustrated that i don't have a set group of friends, like a constant, natural place to be and expect to constantly be so...but i have never really had that and this is nothing new, because i guess the type of interactive person i am lends itself to individual, scattered relationships. and really, though these require a lot of effort, they are very rewarding.

but anyway i have also been thinking a lot because of my literature class. i go to class considerably more often at uva in general (about twice as much actually), and also to classes of literary subject matter more often, and so am overall more stimulated and engaged as a student (rather than just a reader, which i could do on my own anyway). here i just have my english seminar for 2 hours a week, once on mondays - but it is the most incredibly provocative period of my life weekly. so many ideas and perceptions and life philosophies swirl in my head during class and i am so excited to think about all of them and always feel like the discussion should go on for several more hours...and meanwhile my classmates seriously sit there blankly, practically twiddling their thumbs. i am shocked, continually, and wonder "wait, you are studying this subject, right? you...love this, right? what's going on here?"

my major essay for this class is due in less than two weeks (two weeks during which i will have two visitors here in edinburgh, separately: my sister katie's friend from college jay who i've never met, but is studying in ireland and wants to come check out edinburgh, which i fully encourage - he is crashing on my floor; and john, my great friend who is an impeccable companion and who will participate with me in what will be an assuredly strange concert experience here in edinburgh of seeing icelandic glacier rock band sigur ros) and i am thinking of writing on thomas mann's death in venice. it is pretty fascinating, and if i do choose it i will be once again grappling with mr. friedrich nietzsche and his omnipresence in literature of this period. birth of a tragedy, here i come.
one last reason why i have been thoughtful is because of an essay by jonathan franzen called "why bother?" from his book how to be alone; it is sometimes referred to as "the harper's essay," where it was originally published and titled "perchance to dream." it articulated a ton of things i had already been thinking better than i ever could have, and i think it's a really important piece for any literary person living in this day and age (especially americans). please read it if you think you might at all care.

today in starbucks (i know, i know) i watched a young family for a while. there was a little blond-haired girl of probably about age 4 who was so obsessed with and delighted by showering her father with kisses. she probably gave him about 50 total -and they were rapidfire- and i couldn't tell if he was annoyed or not. he would sort of push her away to do something on his phone, then give in and offer up his cheeks again - and she was tireless! as soon as the mother returned the girl abandoned this enterprise and played with a water bottle for awhile - father plays with cell phone and mother reads newspaper. it was clear that her father, as is common, was the one who was teaching her how to play - he showed her how to pinch off one end of a straw wrapper and blow on that end to shoot the rest of the wrapper at someone, which of course is a totally excellent game that all those young in age or at heart should know. kids are sometimes fascinating.

i didn't celebrate halloween because i was exhausted from working all weekend and paper-writing, but i don't feel too bad about it. here it is not so hugely celebrated - mainly just the usual drunk kids wearing costumes instead. tomorrow night i am going to see beauty and the beast at the edinburgh playhouse with josh, which i am very much looking forward to. it is supposed to be excellent and i could use some child-like escapism, because that stuff doesn't come too often on its own. tonight my spanish friend rosalia is making me dinner which is really the best ever, and she also has the most adorable personality - very respectful but excited, interested and genuine. it will be fun to talk to her more and see her flat. then i'm off to the pub night the isc has every tuesday; so my life goes.

i think of you across-the-ponders quite often, wish all of you had blogs so i could read about your lives all the time, and wish i had my camera still so i could show you more of my life. hope everyone is well - happy november.